


Without you

by mansklig



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 17:43:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16815427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansklig/pseuds/mansklig
Summary: How Daryl spends the first night after Paul’s deathHe doesn't





	Without you

He stepped into the trailer, without bothering to scrape the dirty boots onto the small rug Paul has placed for them. 

It didn’t matter anymore. 

He shut the door, hands heavy and heart even heavier. 

The metal hanger where Paul left his coat was empty, and so was the space under it, where he usually aligned their boots next to each other. 

Daryl chokes on a sob as he collapses to the floor. 

The pain is too much for him to handle. 

He knows he’s being selfish, tucking himself in their little trailer and letting the rest of the community deal with the new threat; but for once he just doesn’t _care_.

He knows it’s not what Paul would have wanted; but Paul was gone, and nothing really matters to him after that. 

His eyes scan the space that he once called home; and all of a sudden it leaves him feeling crammed and breathless, choking him in a such a dreadful manner that he wonders if heartache can kill him.

He wishes it can. 

He barely gets himself together to walk to the bed they shared; their bed. His mind plays a hundred memories; all in this tiny once comfortable space, and he sobs as his lover’s scent fills his senses. 

He almost wants to hate him for doing this, for being so pretentious and fearless and brave. For leaving Daryl in this mess they called a world; shattered and defeated and all alone. 

_But god, he can’t._

Because every cell inside of him pulses with his name, but Paul was dead and so was Daryl’s will to live, Paul was gone and he wanted to go too; he wanted to leave so bad, join him wherever the fuck it was he headed. 

He knows it’s not what Paul would have wanted; but Paul was gone, and nothing really matters to him after that. 

But who was he to break his lover’s heart like that, to take his own life after long nights of affectionate promises of fighting till the end. 

_Together_ . _Fighting till the end together ._

And they were no longer together; and Daryl doesn’t want a life without his lover because it never felt like one until he barged into it. 

And it’s just so unfair of him to ask him that; to wish him to fight after leaving him in such a hurry; after leaving him so early. 

They hadn’t had enough time; not enough bone crushing hugs or stolen kisses or flirtatious glances, not enough mingled breaths or held hands or comforting cuddles, not enough morning breakfasts or cold nights spent in between the warm sheets and beating hearts of each other. 

_Not enough i love you's_

Not nearly enough; and the pain of that overpowers him. He isn’t strong like that; he’d never be, and a world without Paul Rovia is not one he wants to survive in.

Who’d he go back home to? Who’d he feel at ease with? Who’d pull him into his chest when the world’s trouble gets too much for him to handle? 

Paul Rovia was the reason he wanted to fight; _wanted to live._

He ties himself to the bed before pulling the trigger; and it's Paul's eyes he's thinking about when everything goes black.

_And I shall be damned if I risk living a life where I can forget the color of your eyes_

**Author's Note:**

> :(


End file.
